Saturday, April 30, 2011

An Ode to the Women of WC

Every woman down in Mormon-ville liked Women's Conference a lot...
but the students who live all around BYU campus, did NOT!

The students hate Women's Conference!  The whole Conference season!
Go ahead and ask why, for we all know the reasons.
It could be because the women's heads weren't screwed on just right,
It could be, perhaps, that their shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
would be that you're unavoidably gonna be mauled.

But whatever the reason, the shoes or the hair,
We students just wish that those women weren't there.
Staring at them on campus, with a sour, hateful frown,
we wait for the day that they all will leave town.
For we know every lady that's on campus that week,
will transform into wild, savage, and ravenous freaks.

They ask, "Take a picture?"  "Where's the Marb?"  "How do you get here?"
They devour the ice cream and down apple beer.
So we growl with reluctance and politely oblige,
until they allow us to pass and make it inside
 of the buildings where we have our classes and jobs,
where for a moment we escape the masses and mobs.

As we walk through these herds and the estrogen-filled halls,
we recognize the signs of their chocolate withdrawals.
The twitching and hustling, they scamper about
as they look for the Creamery to cure chocolate drought.
Move out of their way!  At nothing they'll stop,
the Creamery and Bookstore, they shop til they drop!

If it wasn't enough suffering their squeals of delight,
the warpaint they wear, what a terrible fright!
Straight from the eighties, the nineties and now,
the styles they mix, sometimes I ask how!?
How do you think that those pants actually fit?
And your fake tan and big hair make you look like a git.
Oh, and the smells! Their perfumes and their gas!
I understand that you're old, but there's one thing I ask,
spray delay, walk away, it's a simple request,
there's no need to soak your teddy bear vest.
Who'd have thunk what a chore it could possibly be,
to walk around campus and be able to breathe.

But the time has now passed and they're no longer here,
we can now roam our campus, there's nothing to fear.
No more weeping or crying or group picture taking.
No more laughing or squealing or scrapbook page making.
The balance in life is now back in its place,
and until next spring comes, we might actually be safe.
Now don't get me wrong, they're our Grandmas and Moms,
but TGTG, thank goodness they're gone!


  1. You forgot the "make us feel guilty when we get angry at how slow you're walking only to overhear a deeply spiritual conversation as we pass you" part.

  2. Haha, Cameron, this is great. People don't even KNOW Women's Conference until they've had to to work it.

  3. great job Cameron..I totally thought it would end with something about just wait until the EFY kids come..ha ha

  4. This is pure brilliance! and oh so true. especially the sugar withdrawals. Heaven help you if you find yourself between a herd of those women and the creamery...